Chunky Pete's New Cheeks --or-- How I Saved Face With Help From a Muffin Cake (Hardcover Edition)
~The Tale of the Mysterious Wandering Cooler~ Bruce Wayne was just your average stock boy working the night shift at Wal-Mart. But ever since they set up the Summer Beach Blowout area, nothing was ever quite right. The area was built next to the patio furniture; the layout included a simple beach umbrella next to some folding chairs and a large blue colored party cooler. Bruce immediately knew something wasn't right about that cooler. Every time he would come around to the front of the store, he would walk past the Beach Area and notice the cooler -- laying there wide open and tipped over. Bruce and his fellow co-workers assumed it was just some kids who were fucking about the store before their shift started. No big deal. It's Wal-Mart. No one gives a shit. But one late night, Bruce discovered something horrifying. He was busy moving a pallet jack stacked with boxes of string beans. But when he turned the corner, all of the canned goods were knocked off of the shelving -- and at the end of the aisle was the cooler. The cooler was facing sideways and slowly began turning towards Bruce, who was so horrified he couldn't move. A loud popping noise made Bruce jolt, and suddenly the lights in the store flickered and dimmed. A loud vicious noise came from the cooler. It sounded like an old man inhaling his last dying breath, except It kept getting more and more violent and deep. Then the entire aisle began to flash from the blue strobing lights pouring out of the cooler's mouth. Slowly, a single arm began to reach out from inside the cooler, lanky and old in appearance. The arm opened its hand wide, reaching out towards Bruce (who suddenly shit his pants). Its fingers came together to form a beak and then looked around in a fast motion like a bird. Then the hand moved like a mouth as it proceeded to speak out, "Hey, HEY! I'm going to jerk you off motherfucker!" Bruce screamed and tried to run. But there was just too much canned food on the floor. Bruce's co-worker Bobby Franks was at the other end of the store taking a good healthy shit in the restroom when he first heard the loud noises coming from the grocery section. He ran like hell over to the dark aisles and flashing lights where he could hear Bruce screaming. When he finally turned down the aisle, he witnessed the cooler yelling in a demonic voice while giving Bruce a good furious handjob with its arm. Bruce slowly tried to gather words as tears came out of his eyes. He was finally able to cry out faintly in exhaustion, "kill me -- kill me." And just as Bruce was about to cum the cooler's hand ripped Bruce's genitals clean off and slammed them sloppily into a ziploc baggie and sealed it up with a quick slide of the fingers. The fresh genitals were cumming while inside the bag; Bruce's bulky penis was still throbbing hard under the blue plastic. The cooler then cheerfully exclaimed, "Ah, yet another juicy set of genitals for my endless collection, muh ha ha ha." The cooler then shut its lid and bounced its way merrily out of the store and down the road into the pitch black horizon of trees. Bruce and Bobby were fired from Wal-Mart forever. And the Cooler continued his genital hunting elsewhere in the world. Hiding under the beds of little children. Wandering about retirement homes and golf courses. Fancy restaurants. India. But mostly just chilled out on populated beaches where people need to store their ice and beer. ~Potential Sequel~ The cooler must travel the seven seas to re-collect all of his genitals. While vacationing on the beach, a drunken beach stud ran up and kicked the cooler over, sending thousands of ziploc'd genitals into the ocean. The Cooler managed to save the few that fell out of their baggies as they landed on a lady in a bikini. She was kind enough to give the cocks and balls back. Could it be love?

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May 20th, 2012
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thats disgusting.
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look guys, it's summer