Mr. Smith demonstrates very well the importance of removing one's earpiece before engaging in the caressing of another man's head.

The asteroid one doesn't really concern me. By the time that's a serious threat, all we'll have to do is put Barry Bonds out in space and give him a telephone pole to smack the asteroid back out of the solar system. Eventually Thor will catch it and sell it on Ebay for millions.

i saw a larynx in the woods behind my house a few nights ago. it killed a rabbit, ran up a tree, and recited the entire script to blues brothers 2000.

he obviously meant "can't bags." you know, those things you buy and use when you just have a downright negative outlook on something you're about to attempt. when i thought i could never get my pants to stay up, i used one and got a leather belt.

That's Han backwards!

It's ok to get into a fight with a frisbee. It's not ok to lose.

Numbers always walk in single file, to hide their former SNL alumni.

When a penguin raises instead of just calling, he's probably got a full house.

It's important for the stripes on a shirt to be horizontal. Otherwise you look like a can of fat potatosandwiches.

guess so...I lol,

So that's when it hit me. The banana on the sofa would look GREAT in my toaster.