YTMND Search

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The eulogy will be preformed by Lifeguard Whale.

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It's Night. I'm living inside a giant apartment skyscraper. It's so big you could call it a whole city onto itself. I'm living with Cindy again and we have a pet with us. This little white thing is about as disgustingly cute as you can imagine, and oddly enough, it's the only thing I see that isn't a tint of blue or black. But I know something is wrong, why am I with Cindy? Why does this innocent animal feel like it's about to kill me? I need help...<br /><br />I'm looking for help, I need allies to combat the little white adorable monster in my apartment. I find my way to a bar inside the same building, somewhere on the 670th floor. I'm yelling at them "IDIOTS! We are about to die! I need help to kill this monster in my apartment!!" But I'm ignored...<br /><br />Suddenly.. He bursts through the door. No longer is the while fluff ball tiny, but enormous. He's the size of a house! Running straight at me with the patrons of the bar in it's jaws, it tries to slash me in half with it's knife like fingers. The scent of blood is heavy in the air...

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yeah, sometimes whales are pretty cool

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I can't stop watching this, holy sh*t

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"Whale cult" ringing any bells?

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Holy shit, how did i miss this in 2007. Im fucking crying laughing.

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Pot: "holy shit, the kettle's black!"

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I was into whales, when I made this. Don't ask

 (5.00)

because i thought of this first but never made it because i'm not the commemorative statue made in the image of a non-white leader that is not male<br />HAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH<br />AHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH<br />AHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH<br />AHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH<br />AHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH<br />AHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

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Lifeguard Whale! Please, come back to us. Fly into Umfuld's black heart and destroy the faggotry inside him, saving YTMND forever.

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No kidding. Herman Cain doesn't even realize he is the party's token black guy put there for no other reason than to make people think they are not a bunch of racists fucks. People see through that shit and there is no way he is getting his party's nomination. Spoiler: The Republican nominee will be white and wealthy.

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I liked lifeguard whale. He doosn't compromise his paleo-conservative beliefs in this confusing time.

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holy shit bitch...your ugly

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A slow 20 minutes pass when suddenly fast paced techno music begins to blast out of the BATCAVE and strobe lights fill the corridor.<br /><br />ALFRED:<br />(screaming into the BATCAVE)<br />Now what the fuck is going on?<br /><br />BRUCE:<br />THE BATCOMPUTER ISN'T WORKING RIGHT AND I CAN'T FIND THE BATSUIT.<br /><br />ALFRED:<br />Ah for fuck's sake.<br /><br />ALFRED flips the piano over and marches towards the BATCAVE. He trips over a tea cart placed near the middle of the stairs and breaks his neck while falling down the remaining steps. BRUCE is conviently standing at the bottom when some hot tea blinds him in the eyes. He then stumbles backwards into the BATMOBILE and bumps his knee.<br /><br />EXT. BUSY GOTHAM STREET - DAY<br /><br />A black businessman places a quarter into a newspaper box and grabs the days paper. The frontpage headline reads: BILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY HIT BY PARKED CAR, DIES. The black man mumbles something about 'fucking white people' then folds the newspaper under his arm and enters a cafe.

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Holy shit that was awesome. Someone make a Dramatic Reading ytmnd of this!

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INT. NURSING HOME COMMON ROOM - NIGHT<br /><br />A dirty, dilapidated nursing home common room. Barely conscious old retards have been arranged in a circle of metal folding chairs around BIGX and his GRANDMOTHER who also sit in identical chairs. These two assholes are each holding a yellow/brown triple scoop ice cream cone. <br /><br />In a fast-paced montage style sequence of images set to "Fly Like a G6" by Far East Movement, BIGX and his GRANDMOTHER each race to finish their ice cream cones.<br /><br />GRANDMOTHER finishes first, effortlessly tossing a bite-sized piece of cone into her mouth, beaming with pride, while BIGX is still frantically licking a melting mound of ice cream sitting on top of his fully intact cone.<br /><br />BIGX drops his ice cream on floor as he realizes GRANDMOTHER has finished eating.<br /><br />One of the old retarded spectators yelps, another farts. A bald obese woman pulls out one of her own long, yellow tits and begins violently pulling at it. An old man falls off a chair, clearly dead.<br /><br />BIGX slides off his chair, slinks down on all fours and begins crawling towards GRANDMOTHER.<br /><br />BIGX<br />(Seductively)<br />Grammy! I have an ice-cream-ball-ache!<br /><br />GRANDMOTHER<br />(alzheimersly)<br />I put all of it in my mouth!<br /><br />BIGX<br />(seductively, predatory)<br />I know! It looks like I lost the bet! Do know what THAT means?!<br /><br />GRANDMOTHER<br />Wee Wee Wee Wee Wee Wee Pee Pee<br /><br />BIGX<br />Yes! And now I have dig through your big hairy bush if I'm going to find your clit so I can blow it.<br /><br />BIGX lifts (his) GRANDMOTHER's nightgown to reveal three massive clumps of matted hair. Two of these clumps are gray/white. One is bright orange, a vestige left over from this smoking hot old redhead's hairy pussy youth.<br /><br />BIGX<br />(surprised, fucky)<br />Grammy! I can't wait to find out what your cunt tastes like...<br /><br />GRANDMOTHER<br />911!

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Umsy has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and thinks that you're trying to troll him. Actually, when you read the behavioral features of ODD, it sounds just like him:<br /><br />Common features of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) include excessive, often persistent anger, frequent temper tantrums or angry outbursts, and disregard for authority. Children and adolescents with this disorder often annoy others on purpose, blame others for their mistakes, and are easily annoyed. In addition, these young people may appear resentful of others and when someone does something they don't like they often take revenge on them.<br /><br />Holy shit. I think I just came up with an accurate diagnosis.

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Lifeguard Whale of the Edmund Fitzgerald

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"Let's try the first draft again: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all rich white men wearing wigs are created equal.' What do you think?"<br />"Lose the wigs."<br />"Fine. Betsy Ross, what do you think?"<br />"You assholes.."

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The Holy Koran Teaches Us That WELL ACTUALLY YOU FORGOT POLEND

Wow, I know this is late, but holy fuck, this is a TONS better look than the previous layout you had.

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Erm...looks like Lifeguard Whale came slightly before this, but you probably never would have gone on a Lifeguard Whale binge had I not been so harsh. (I thought you told me in Meebo once that this site is why you decided to make Lifeguard Whale, "your own thing")

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5'd because if I never would have been such a fucking asshole, Lifeguard Whale never would have been born.

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middle easterners don't care about white people. only the jews, and stupid fucking niggers, so KKK FUCK OFF.

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holy shit

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Holy crap, a flying dutchman!

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HOLY SHIT LOL

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that dudes teef, they are so white

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Keep your whites white.

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Holy Homosexuals Batman!